What the F is Going On!?! Part Nine: The Security of Kash's Shit
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It hasn’t been the biggest story in the news of late, but the pure buffoonery of from Trump’s Cabinet as it has been recently reported has been far too reminiscent of the Coen Brother’s espionage comedy Burn After Reading (2008).
While I could be referencing the strange fascinations Robert Kennedy, Jr has had with mutilating and desecrating dead animals, a decomposing whale head on the roof of the family car, dumping a rotting bear in Central Park, cutting off the penis of a roadkill raccoon while fixating on how “weird members of his family are.” Or his very strange relationship with a female reporter where she became obsessed with her (it has not been disclosed how physical their relationship was although it can be inferred, he definitely encouraged an emotional romantic relationship), he used her for public relations advice, and he ultimately unceremoniously disposed of the relationship. His relatives have explained that his relationship with falconry makes perfect sense because they see him as a predatory animal, himself. Ultimately, his apparent glee in putting large swaths of the population at fatal risk as seen from multiple deadly outbreaks caused by his direct advocacy against vaccines makes him seem more like an “angel of death” healthcare worker who quietly kills their patients with purposeful malicious treatment. He really seems to be ticking off boxes that could place him in a film about a serial killer, possibly with the meticulousness and self satisfied internal logic of characters from The House that Jack Built or Man Bites Dog. These aren’t exactly movies to casually stumble into, they really take you into the minds of some really sickening characters and offer horrifying imagery.
Rather, it’s our Kash Patel who should be worried about the security of his shit… well, in this news cycle. We already went through a heavy drinking cabinet secretary unwittingly sending out highly sensitive information on Signal that happened to fall into the hands of a reporter with Pete Hegseth. He didn’t exactly face any accountability for his actions, there were a few other stories that came to light with Signalgate where he was involving his wife in top secret meetings or involving people without clearances in other signal chats, but time moves on and the memory of the American public is quite troubling.
Anyways, back to Kash. He should also be worried about the security of his shit. It isn’t quite that he has been taking the FBI private jet to watch his girlfriend perform country music like she’s Charles Foster Kane’s mistress at the Opera. Or that he has been drinking so much that his security detail has had to use a SWAT device to break down a door because he passed out in a locked room. Or that he demanded a jet ski and a helicopter tour while attending a meeting of allied intelligence agencies in London. Or that one day he forgot his password and couldn’t log in, assumed that meant he was locked out and had been fired without warning, panicked and gathered staff to inform them that he was let go, leading to rumors around FBI headquarters that he had been let go, only for him to eventually gain access and learn that he is still getting away with all of his stupid shit.
In Burn After Reading, John Malcovich is a CIA agent who is being demoted because of his alcohol use and apparent inability to maintain security of his shit, he is bested by a team of idiots from the local chain gym, passes out drunk, and is cuckolded so badly that his wife’s “other man” is concerned about him getting his life around. Yes, we have all of that incompetence out of Kash Patel, although the open cuckolding seems more in line with the Noem family. Let’s face it, Kristie Noem openly in a relationship with Corey Lewendowsky, who had been previously fired by Trump in his first campaign for being violently abusive to others, her husband’s fascination with Bimbofication, pretty much being fired for bragging about leadership abilities while writing about shooting a dog in a book, and the one line from her wikipedia page that reads “Kristie Noem is a grandmother,” makes her story a bit too far fetched for fiction. But Kash having his phone hacked and released by the Iranians in the first few weeks of the War on Iran is the most sloppy failure to secure his shit that was merely a blip on the news cycle.
While Trump started a war with Iran in part to distract from the Epstein Files and some could say that Melania gave her strange Epstein speech bringing attention to questions of her involvement with Epstein in part to distract from the Iran War going terribly falls in line with the Steve Bannon mantra to “flood the zone with shit.” Create so much strange, enraging news that there are too many things for the media to focus on that no one thing can become a scandal because anything can be forgotten as the news cycle turns over. It seems that there has been a bit too much shit in the zone for Trump that his stink is spreading into some of his former supporters, but for the orbiting clowns like Kash, Kennedy and Hegseth, the zone seems to be large enough to continue flooding. The trick is to be a man, a lesson that Noem, Bondi and Lori Chavez-DeMer didn’t seem to learn before being cast away.
Thankfully, the Coen Brothers think more of the women characters in this film that Frances McDormand’s character gets paid for her silence with the many procedures she desires, Tilda Swinton and Elizabeth Marvel get divorces. Every man but George Clooney ends up dead or close to death and Clooney is left to flee the country essentially losing his lifestyle.
At the CIA, everything is wrapped up similarly to the end of Sidney Lumet’s The Anderson Tapes (1971) where the things, the CD-Rom from the gym or the tapes that Sean Connery put so much effort to steal, are of no interest of the government and are simply shrugged off and forgotten. Kash Patel has been so ineffective, too inebriated to have meetings scheduled during mornings, he is so out of the loop that he gives incorrect updates on active investigations to the public, that the contents of his phone have no value for national security beyond the scandalous content. For someone who is supposed to be in charge of counterterrorism, criminal investigations and public protection, he is the Brad Pitt empty vessel, the George Clooney obsession with his vices, and the John Malcovich drunken ineffectiveness all rolled into one.
